how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
