we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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