I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
