just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
