where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize