That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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