you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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