Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
