Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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