She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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