Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
