I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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