last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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