I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
