And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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