I wanna passion pit in your ass
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
