My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
