T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
