the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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