If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
