i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
