so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
