we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
