I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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