It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
