i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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