I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
