he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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