I want to have your abortion
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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