I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
