i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize