i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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