Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
