Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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