I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
