I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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