girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
