I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
