A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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