Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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