Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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