I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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