happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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