Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
