at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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