I heard we made out
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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