To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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