She just used a chaser for red wine.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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