he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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