? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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