her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
